Back from a hiatus!

Dear Readers,

Though there haven't been any new posts since last month, I am now back and enthusiastic to provide you with new information and keep you updated on my own progress.

I will admit that my consistence during the past few weeks hasn't been the best, and I haven't been visualizing as frequently and as consistently as I did in the beginning. Nevertheless, it pleases me to say that I have made mental progress - the reality of my facial bones changing form has grown stronger in my consciousness and these beliefs are being reinforced every day. My image of the look I would like to possess has grown much clearer and more definite. My method has evolved, and in this post, you will read how.

One text that has influenced me a lot is "It Works" R.H. Jarrett. This small book was written in the 1920s and gives very concise instructions about how to attain anything you wish. You can find a free online copy here.

1. Make a list as mentioned in "It Works". Become very specific about what you want, make a clear list and look at it three times a day - morning, daytime, and night. When you read this list, your subconscious mind takes hold of these desires and works to bring them to physical reality. Whenever I read my list, I try to feel grateful and happy about each item, as if I possess/experience all of them. With this list, it's helped me to list smaller (but urgent) goals towards the top of the list. I also make sure to give myself ample time to see them through. For instance, my goal for my eyes is 4mm wider on each side by 22 November 2012.
2. Visualize morning and night for 15-20 minutes. I feel a tingling sensation and light pressure in the areas of my face where my eyes are moving into position (sorry if that came out oddly in this language!) Visualizations in the day have also been helpful for me when I feel especially motivated. I like to think of it this way : some days, I may feel more motivated or have more time to put towards the accomplishment of my physical change goals. So on those days I take advantage of my mental state and visualize for longer periods and with more intensity than usual. Those days balance out the times when my focus wanders.
3. When I visualize, I sometimes use the recordings of Zixia or Victoria Wizell (search "Victoria Wizell grow taller" on Google.) Though they are specified towards growing taller, I apply them to changing my facial bone structure, particularly the shape and size of my eye sockets and nasal bridge. I have found that listening to these hypnosis recordings help me stay focused and often put me in a hypnotic trance quicker.
4. Keep track of your progress with a calendar. I write the days I have visualized (ideally every day!) on a calendar. This way I can see how much I've put into my goal and can see when and if I get off track, such as last month. Seeing my effort on paper really solidifies how much I want this and how I must discipline myself I am going to get there.

When a doubtful thought comes to mind, it is much, much easier and more natural for me to switch it into a positive one. For instance, when I feel down about my current appearance and think how unhappy I feel looking this way, I quickly remind myself that my new face - with its beauty and balanced proportions - is on its way! I tell myself that I should be thankful and happy that it is happening, that progress and physical growth is occurring every day, and that with each time I visualize, my dream is within closer reach. I remind myself that I have put the effort into learning about the mind, visualizing, and becoming very clear about my desires. It's natural to become impatient when you are waiting for something, but it is good to know that it is still coming, and that it's only been two months.

I also remind myself of the other things I have accomplished in my life, especially those that would have been deemed as "impossible" by the majority of people.

Believe in yourself - don't ever let anyone else tell you what you can and cannot do.

Best wishes to all,

~BB

Depression Over Appearance - Personal Experience

Today I'm going to write about something that everyone has felt at one point...feeling down about your appearance. Maybe fewer people feel these emotions to the point of depression, but to whatever extent you have felt it, you know that you're never in a pleasant or comfortable state of mind when you do. And that you must find strength within yourself to overcome them and accomplish the change you seek.

***Before you go any further, proceed at your own risk with the rest of this post. The following content may be psychologically upsetting.***

This is actually one of the primary reasons that I am finally persisting with changing my appearance. For years, I have been depressed and extremely unhappy with my looks, especially the size and spacing of my eyes. The depression I had felt over this issue had gotten to the point of experiencing complete darkness and despair on what was sometimes a daily basis. There were many days where I walked around feeling as if inside of me there was a black hole, an abyss of heart-wrenching sadness over how I looked. It was a true and deep desire of my spirit to look beautiful. I would try to explain my concerns and feelings to family and friends, but no one could quite comprehend or understand the pain and torture I felt every day. They thought I was exaggerating or simply depressed and would reassure me that I had nothing to worry about. But I don't think they realized the misery I felt every day, doing mundane activities such as looking in the mirror and wanting crying as if someone had died. They didn't understand the severe dread I felt about taking photos or viewing pictures of myself, literally feeling nauseous or as if I was being stabbed from the inside. I hated my appearance, and it was a fatal parasite to my life.

After seeing numerous therapists and psychiatrists to "fix" my "problem", I had been officially diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) in 2011. I had been undergoing weekly therapy and was put on antidepressants. I was supposed to have been making progress in how I looked, but often I felt as if I was getting worse. My depression increased in severity and frequency, and I even had to go to the hospital at one point. Every resource I had consulted about body dysmorphic disorder informed me that the problem was psychological, not physical. That sufferers of this condition had a distorted view of their appearance, sometimes delusional. That the condition is highly treatable by antidepressants and various forms of therapy.

However, deep down inside knew that I didn't have a psychological problem. I wasn't seeing things strangely, my perspective about how I looked wasn't off. The medication and the therapy wasn't helping me as it should have. I was still feeling down because there was a missing piece of the puzzle. I still knew inside that I was right about my appearance and how it is perceived. From a completely objective perspective, I wasn't seeing myself any differently than people on the streets. People saw my face, my features, the same way I did. On the internet, people commented on the same flaws I saw within myself that I did. These comments came from complete strangers, which was really refreshing because the people I knew would not tell me the truth. My gut feeling about my appearance and how others perceive me was confirmed.

Furthermore, I knew, just from being out in the world and interacting with people, that my appearance wasn't widely seen as "beautiful." I didn't attract much male attention, people didn't glance at me on the street, and my peers rarely commented on my appearance like they would with truly beautiful individuals. I wasn't noticed the same way some of my beautiful friends were. I knew that I didn't look like the women who are considered physically beautiful by the majority of people. They have certain proportions and features in their faces that mine was missing. No one could tell me otherwise, or convince me that I was also physically "beautiful" - I had objective evidence on my side.

Anyway, let's fast forward to the present, when I decided to change my physical appearance for sure. The decision has come at a large turning point in my life - I traveled to a different country alone and will soon be living here. I love this country, I love life and the beauty that surrounds me here. I have been learning this country's language and about its culture for years. This is the place that I have always wanted to live. I have had to rely on myself here, and in the process of doing so, I developed a new confidence and self-assurance.

I was inspired to take control of my life by a dear friend who lives here. Because she was raised in a society that is less reliant on psychiatric medication and is less obsessed about psychological issues, where far fewer people are reliant on pills and therapy, she opened my eyes to the fact that there is nothing wrong with me. I have created the problem in my head and it has been further propelled by constantly being reminded by family, doctors, therapists, and other friends. She, however, reminded me that this is my life, and it's up to me to choose who I am going to be and what I will do. I am the one who decides for myself, not my family, friends, doctor, therapist, or anyone else. I am in control of my destiny and I am capable of making my dreams come true.

The decision to take control of my life is what propelled me to go through the process of finding a way to stay legally in this country, as well as using my mind to change my appearance. I knew (and still know) that I wouldn't be truly happy with accepting my appearance as it is right now. The situation can be equated to changing an aspect of one's character - for instance, if there is something about who you are that you do not like and it is interfering with your life and relations, would you rather accept it as it is or do something to change it? Now, that's a personal decision, just as the decision to change your appearance is too. I know that society (at least where I was raised) encourages people to accept themselves as they are, and acceptance can certainly be useful and beneficial in some situations. For me though, I know deep inside that my concerns over my appearance aren't something I can accept and feel content about. It's something that I have no choice but to change.

I assume that many of you have been through the same inner struggle too. And no, contrary to what many may think, the decision to change your appearance doesn't make you morally vapid or "superficial". If there is something about your appearance that you truly despise and it is taking away from the quality of your life, than it is completely understandable that you would want to change it. After all, how much would you hesitate about changing anything else that was getting in your way of living to the fullest - like where you live, who you spend your time with, your habits, etc.

You are not weak, you are not vain attention seeker, and you are not a bad person. You will rise above these feelings and conquer what is holding you back from achieving.

Remember the famous words of Julius Caesar - Veni, vidi, vici. (I came, I saw, I conquered.)

Wishing you all the best of luck with overcoming your inner struggles and accomplishing change,

BB

My Goals for Physical Change

Why did I begin this blog? Well, it is important to me to achieve certain changes in my facial structure and features. I desire to become the physical vision of myself that I have in my mind. This version of my face is not too different from how I look right now - the coloring and the majority of the features and structure is the same. However, there are a few areas that I would like to change in order to fit this image.

The primary change I am focusing on now is the spacing between my eyes. This is the one change that I believe will bring more physical beauty to my face. In proportion to my other facial features, my eyes are a bit small and too close together. To achieve a more harmonious and beautiful look, I'm seeking to increase the spacing between my eyes by several millimeters to a little over a centimeter. I am also setting out to increase the length and height of each eye, giving the area a more open and youthful look.

This change is something that I have been seeking to create for a long time. I have tried to visualize and to undergo self hypnosis before, but I didn't persist long enough to see results. Had I continued with the process, I would have the desired change right now. That's one of the primary reasons that I have created this blog - a physical record of your daily actions can keep you focused and motived to see your goal to the finish.

Please note that I will not be posting pictures here - I prefer to keep my identity private. Nevertheless, you may post links to your own pictures if you wish.

Sending you focus and positive energy to achieve the change you seek!

- Becoming Beautiful