Tips for Creating Change (Part 2)

Dear Readers,

Here's the second part of the tips post I created in July. These mainly focus on behaviors that may be standing in your way of change and how you can put an end to them.

• Stay positive - distract yourself with something you love

When you are feeling down about not seeing the change, when you doubt yourself and the process, or when you are simply dwelling about how long it's taking, find a way to remove yourself from that negativity. For me, writing on this blog and encouraging others about pursuing their change is a way I keep myself focused on what it is I desire. I also like to occupy myself with details about my move to another country (out of necessity and excitement), dance, read a novel, or take a walk outside. Maybe what works for you is participating in a favorite sport, reading inspirational stories, or calling up a friend to talk. Whatever it is, be sure to have those activities in mind and ready to do. I like to keep a list of them attached to my laptop frame so they are at the front of my mind. If you have ever seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, refer back to what Violet's mother told her in the factory - "eye on the prize, Violet!" Keep your eye on the change you want to achieve, and YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT!!

• Stop checking mirrors!

This may not be true for you, but if you have a tendency to check mirrors or take pictures of yourself and feel down, STOP! This is not helpful for your mind at all, nor your body which is working hard to create the change. The more you check mirrors to see how the change is coming along, the more you are reinforcing the belief that you do not think that your appearance is changing. You have to focus on what you want - your ideal vision of yourself - not what you can see right now. Like with other things in life that you want to achieve, you have to have the outcome in mind and focus on ways to make it happen. Focusing on the way things are now and dwelling on them is only going to keep your body the way it is now. So let go of these thoughts, as hard as it may be.

If mirror-checking or photo-taking is a big problem for you, I recommend that you make it one of your primary goals right now to end this habit. Be firm with yourself, but kind. Every time you go to do the behavior, pull yourself away by thinking of your goal and how important it is to you. Remember that creating the change you seek is more important than following a bad habit, despite the temporary "high" or "satisfaction" it may bring to you. Go on in faith and confidence knowing that the change is happening, and that you do not need to prove it to yourself because you know it.

• Stop comparing yourself to others

Do you have a habit of comparing your own features to those of other people? This is another behavior you must stop if you are seeking to create a real change in your appearance. For me, back when I felt helpless and depressed about my face, I would spend hours upon hours comparing my features to those of models, friends, and celebrities. Though the first few minutes of doing this brought a strange sense of comfort and satisfaction, this was always temporary and would turn into full-blown despair and self-loathing within minutes. It was a cycle of pain that I put myself through on a daily basis. Coming into the understanding of my (and your) own power, I can't tell you of the power that this self-torture had on my me. Just know that if you are one to compare yourself to others, really put effort into stopping this negative habit. You are hurting yourself and your mind, and you are stopping your body from producing the energy needed to create a change in your appearance. You need to stay as positive and focused as you can so that the desired version of yourself can blossom into reality.

If you read Part 1 of "Tips for Creating Change", you will remember the comparison I made between changing your physical appearance and a seed blossoming into a flower. A seedling needs all the nurturing it can get so that it can break through the soil. If it's constantly moved in and out of the sun and watered only sporadically (i.e. if you frequently waver between doubt and belief, and don't keep up with doing what you can for your change), it won't bloom. Consistence is necessary for a seedling to bloom, as it for your change to come into reality. It's normal to have doubt sometimes, but you need to take responsibility to come out of it and to keep up with your practice. Perfection in your thinking isn't necessary, but you should aim to do your absolute best to keep your focus and vision.

My 15+ Minute Visualization Routine

Dear Readers,

I apologize for not updating for a week. I've been quite busy with handling a lot of formalities with my international move (very exciting and good, I'm super happy!) Thus, I haven't had much time to write a thoughtful post.

The past week I haven't really focused too much on my visualizations about changing the distance between my eyes. As I stated, there have been a lot of other things going on in my life that have been keeping me occupied. Nevertheless, I certainly haven't forgotten about my goal with changing my appearance and sharing my journey as well as my knowledge on this blog.

I began my regular visualization routine yesterday before bed, returning with great focus and vision. In case I didn't mention it before, my visualization consists of listening to two audio recordings of encouragement and imagining myself living with my new eyes. These I recorded myself, and they are a total of 5 minutes long. One focuses on how excited I am to be receiving these eyes right now, how happy I am that my bones and my face is changing, and how my face loves that I'm allowing it to obtain its perfect structure - the structure in my mind that I send lots of loving thoughts and admiration to. The other is written in the tense of when the physical change will be blatantly noticeable. In this recording, I speak about how wonderful I feel when I look in the mirror and feel so happy with myself and how I look. I also mention the frequent stares of people at me, how many people notice my new beauty, and how I love feeling the beautiful new contours of my face. (This is not meant to sound conceited or egotistical, it's just reinforcing some good things for my own mind. Something that I just keep in my visualizations to give them some added feeling.) The recordings make the change even more real to me, and more attainable. They help to set the stage for the rest of the visualization and my final emotions before falling asleep. If you are an auditory person or simply think that this would be a good practice for you, make some simple recordings with your computer microphone. Add emotion and a real sense of conviction to your voice and you will not be disappointed!

After this part of my visualization, I spend around 10 minutes (sometimes a little more) focusing on all of those good thoughts that my recordings reinforced. I also imagine my cells expanding and the details of my face up close. I imagine having my photo taken and feeling really happy about how I look in them. I imagine meeting people and being confident about myself. Overall, I feel just simple yet powerful feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment. They remind me of how much I desire this change and what I'm doing to make it happen. It's good to congratulate yourself on the steps you're taking because it will encourage you to take more. Congratulating also reinforces your belief in the process and makes a barrier against any negative thoughts you may face.

Sending you all love, encouragement, and support. The change is happening, even if you can't see it yet!

~BB

Depression Over Appearance - Personal Experience

Today I'm going to write about something that everyone has felt at one point...feeling down about your appearance. Maybe fewer people feel these emotions to the point of depression, but to whatever extent you have felt it, you know that you're never in a pleasant or comfortable state of mind when you do. And that you must find strength within yourself to overcome them and accomplish the change you seek.

***Before you go any further, proceed at your own risk with the rest of this post. The following content may be psychologically upsetting.***

This is actually one of the primary reasons that I am finally persisting with changing my appearance. For years, I have been depressed and extremely unhappy with my looks, especially the size and spacing of my eyes. The depression I had felt over this issue had gotten to the point of experiencing complete darkness and despair on what was sometimes a daily basis. There were many days where I walked around feeling as if inside of me there was a black hole, an abyss of heart-wrenching sadness over how I looked. It was a true and deep desire of my spirit to look beautiful. I would try to explain my concerns and feelings to family and friends, but no one could quite comprehend or understand the pain and torture I felt every day. They thought I was exaggerating or simply depressed and would reassure me that I had nothing to worry about. But I don't think they realized the misery I felt every day, doing mundane activities such as looking in the mirror and wanting crying as if someone had died. They didn't understand the severe dread I felt about taking photos or viewing pictures of myself, literally feeling nauseous or as if I was being stabbed from the inside. I hated my appearance, and it was a fatal parasite to my life.

After seeing numerous therapists and psychiatrists to "fix" my "problem", I had been officially diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) in 2011. I had been undergoing weekly therapy and was put on antidepressants. I was supposed to have been making progress in how I looked, but often I felt as if I was getting worse. My depression increased in severity and frequency, and I even had to go to the hospital at one point. Every resource I had consulted about body dysmorphic disorder informed me that the problem was psychological, not physical. That sufferers of this condition had a distorted view of their appearance, sometimes delusional. That the condition is highly treatable by antidepressants and various forms of therapy.

However, deep down inside knew that I didn't have a psychological problem. I wasn't seeing things strangely, my perspective about how I looked wasn't off. The medication and the therapy wasn't helping me as it should have. I was still feeling down because there was a missing piece of the puzzle. I still knew inside that I was right about my appearance and how it is perceived. From a completely objective perspective, I wasn't seeing myself any differently than people on the streets. People saw my face, my features, the same way I did. On the internet, people commented on the same flaws I saw within myself that I did. These comments came from complete strangers, which was really refreshing because the people I knew would not tell me the truth. My gut feeling about my appearance and how others perceive me was confirmed.

Furthermore, I knew, just from being out in the world and interacting with people, that my appearance wasn't widely seen as "beautiful." I didn't attract much male attention, people didn't glance at me on the street, and my peers rarely commented on my appearance like they would with truly beautiful individuals. I wasn't noticed the same way some of my beautiful friends were. I knew that I didn't look like the women who are considered physically beautiful by the majority of people. They have certain proportions and features in their faces that mine was missing. No one could tell me otherwise, or convince me that I was also physically "beautiful" - I had objective evidence on my side.

Anyway, let's fast forward to the present, when I decided to change my physical appearance for sure. The decision has come at a large turning point in my life - I traveled to a different country alone and will soon be living here. I love this country, I love life and the beauty that surrounds me here. I have been learning this country's language and about its culture for years. This is the place that I have always wanted to live. I have had to rely on myself here, and in the process of doing so, I developed a new confidence and self-assurance.

I was inspired to take control of my life by a dear friend who lives here. Because she was raised in a society that is less reliant on psychiatric medication and is less obsessed about psychological issues, where far fewer people are reliant on pills and therapy, she opened my eyes to the fact that there is nothing wrong with me. I have created the problem in my head and it has been further propelled by constantly being reminded by family, doctors, therapists, and other friends. She, however, reminded me that this is my life, and it's up to me to choose who I am going to be and what I will do. I am the one who decides for myself, not my family, friends, doctor, therapist, or anyone else. I am in control of my destiny and I am capable of making my dreams come true.

The decision to take control of my life is what propelled me to go through the process of finding a way to stay legally in this country, as well as using my mind to change my appearance. I knew (and still know) that I wouldn't be truly happy with accepting my appearance as it is right now. The situation can be equated to changing an aspect of one's character - for instance, if there is something about who you are that you do not like and it is interfering with your life and relations, would you rather accept it as it is or do something to change it? Now, that's a personal decision, just as the decision to change your appearance is too. I know that society (at least where I was raised) encourages people to accept themselves as they are, and acceptance can certainly be useful and beneficial in some situations. For me though, I know deep inside that my concerns over my appearance aren't something I can accept and feel content about. It's something that I have no choice but to change.

I assume that many of you have been through the same inner struggle too. And no, contrary to what many may think, the decision to change your appearance doesn't make you morally vapid or "superficial". If there is something about your appearance that you truly despise and it is taking away from the quality of your life, than it is completely understandable that you would want to change it. After all, how much would you hesitate about changing anything else that was getting in your way of living to the fullest - like where you live, who you spend your time with, your habits, etc.

You are not weak, you are not vain attention seeker, and you are not a bad person. You will rise above these feelings and conquer what is holding you back from achieving.

Remember the famous words of Julius Caesar - Veni, vidi, vici. (I came, I saw, I conquered.)

Wishing you all the best of luck with overcoming your inner struggles and accomplishing change,

BB